Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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