Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
