Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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