He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
