I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
