he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
