I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
