so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
