I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
