drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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