So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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