1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Small penises have feelings too.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize