So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
