Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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