physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
