Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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