Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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