Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
