i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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