Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
