ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
