I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
