walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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