Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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