She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
