Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
