I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
