If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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