I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
