I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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