Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
