... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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