I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
