Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
