Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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