She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
