Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
