If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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