also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
a search helicopter?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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