oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
