Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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