Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
