I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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