I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
