my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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