I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's always time for handjobs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
