I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
