This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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