There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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