I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
