I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh god it's open bar.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
