The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i dont even know how to be here
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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