and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
