VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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