Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
