Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
