I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
