I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is wine microwaveable?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
