Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
