Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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