I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
