Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my poor anus
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
