Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
