i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
