who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
