is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Still dying that you shit outside
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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