There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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