she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
