Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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