Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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