Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
