I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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