Whatcha textin bout Willis?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
