I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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