possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
