what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
