How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
