Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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